Relationship Rules

Relationship Rules
5th October 2005

Almost four months into my second (and hopefully, for all the good reasons, last) serious relationship, and some truths have dawned upon me.

It seems that I’ve begun to understand women and dating a wee bit more than I used to before.

As a guy, it only seems fair to share these newly acquired fundas with all the other guys out there. In the hope that any pearls of wisdom they may have acquired will soon be passed on.

So here goes. 8 Simple Rules for Dating Someone’s Daughter.

1. In the case of office romances, it becomes essential to create a ‘cover story’. This ostensibly explains why you and your significant other are seen together so often. Keeping this in mind, please ignore the post titled Workaholic Reflections. Slappy and I met while I was in Pune, through a friend of hers who lives there. There was significant attraction, but we were parted without the customary exchange of telephone numbers. Now, years later, when we met at the agency, old flames were reignited. And today, three years later, we’re a couple.

2. Guys – if you’re ticklish and your significant other knows it, you’re in for some trouble. I’ve been tickled at all odd times – while working, in meetings, in the canteen, etc. So, it has become essential to set rules for when not to tickle. Slappy, therefore, is not allowed to tickle me while I’m driving, eating or watching a movie. Similarly, it’s essential to find her tickle spots, and exploit them to the fullest.

3. What’s okay for her isn’t for me. For example, I am supposed to understand and read Slappy’s mind all the time. But it’s ok if she can’t read and understand me all the time. Unfortunately, this is the one rule I can’t manage to bend. Every time I try, she sweetly says, "Not allowed."

4. No matter who takes decisions – where to go out, what to eat, where to meet, etc. – you will forever be told that you never let her decide anything. This after you’ve asked her a dozen times what she wants to do, and she’s told you a dozen times that you should decide.

5. Your choice in movies is better. Far, far better. The only time you should give in is when you want to later see a movie you know she may not enjoy. Or if, on a first date, you want the option of guilt-tripping her into going out with you again.

6. Guys are useless when it comes to shopping for jeans for her. This after you’ve stood around handing her a dozen pairs of jeans to try on, and commented on how her bum looks in each of them.

7. However, what she picks out for you to wear is always good.

8. When you end a conversation, she will always make you feel like you don’t wanna talk to her any more. You don’t love her any more. Even after a four-hour conversation that’s covered work, friends, life, relationships, sex, movies, TV, more work and fifteen minutes of saying goodbye.

Please note, dear readers – and there do seem to be a lot of you these days – that I write this tongue-in-cheek. I take no responsibility for any mishaps that may occur in your relationships, ranging from break-ups to breaking heads.

And, in the meanwhile, I shall try to convince my significant other that I’m only kidding. And that I really don’t wanna wake up single.