Conversations It's Safe To Have With Me

As indicated in my previous blog post (and my sidebar), Slappy’s folks came to Bombay to meet mine.

And yes, the proverbial wedding bells will be ringing. Or would have been, had this been a church wedding. The proper metaphor would be, “Wedding fires will be burning.”

Oh, the date. That’s right. February 15, in Bombay. The fun begins with our engagement on February 7 in Delhi. Then a cocktail party on February 13, in Bombay. Then, after everybody’s had sufficient time to recover from the hangovers, the wedding and the reception.

So, naturally, everyone at home is talking about the wedding.

All I get to hear is venues, dates, clothes, jewellery, shoes, guest lists, budgets, rooms, invites, blah, blah, blah. And I’m already beginning to get a little sick of it.

So, for all the people who I will meet soon, here’s some better things to talk to me about.

o “You’ve lost weight, you’re looking great!” Always welcome. Possibly true also, as I’ve started gymming for the nth time.

o “I had a wet dream about you last night, and I want to make it come true NOW!!!”

o “Hey, there’s someone I know who’s looking for a freelance copywriter. He’s got lots of money…you interested?” You see, weddings are expensive affairs.

o “Did you see Ferrari win the last Grand Prix?” May such happy events continue for all eternity.

o “Isn’t Sachin Tendulkar the greatest cricketer to have ever walked the face of this Earth?” Yes, he is.

o “Wanna share this bottle of tequila?”

o “I’m doubling your salary.” In the unlikely event that my bosses are reading this. Or know this writer’s true identity.

o “How do I look in this lingerie? I can’t decide which is my thing, slutty, virginal, or just mysterious?”

o “I hate the rains. Don’t you?” My views on this topic are fairly well-known, but always good to hear again.

o “This is the most brilliant ad I’ve ever seen! Yours, na?” Thank you, thank you.

o “Superman can kick Batman’s ass any day of the week.”

Of course, this is only an indicative list, not an exhaustive one. Feel free to choose your own topics as well.

But if you decide to only talk about the wedding, I might just decide to never talk to you again.