Opposite Sex

Opposite Sex
5th February 2005

Not for the first time in my life, I’m wondering what makes women tick.

What puts thoughts into their heads? What makes them do those cuckoo things like shaving their legs? What makes them respond positively to men who treat them with detachment, and outright reject those who try to get close?

It’s the last question that’s been running through my head for a while, and it’s spurred off a series of conversations and insights into the female psyche. Of course, if I really want to know what a woman is thinking, I could just ask Doc – but then, I have to grow up some time.

There’s this girl, let’s call her Boxer. Tall, fair, slim, long dark hair, attractive face. The moment we met I could sense a certain chemistry in the air – not too far removed from the chemistry I once shared with Smelly.

At the time, I was struggling to deal with my break-up with Sweetie. And part of that involved subscribing to an email newsletter on dating tips. The advice, in a nutshell, was, "Run away from a woman. Treat her like she doesn’t give a damn. Be cocky and funny. Bang! (no pun intended) She’s yours."

Being in a rather confused state about the women in my life, I decided to give it a shot. Teased her, pulled her leg, was a smartass. Well, she didn’t slap me, and she didn’t stop talking to me either.

I didn’t make any moves. In fact, I recently realised that I didn’t need the newsletter – cocky and funny is who I am, naturally. So I relaxed even more. And Boxer warmed up to me even more. I call her that because she hits me playfully every time I tease her.

So one day I find myself in a conversation with Legs, asking her how the hell to ask Boxer out. Legs tells me to be Mr. Nice Guy. Phooey! Ain’t worked for 24 years, damned if it’s gonna work now. So I keep the leg-pulling going.

And next thing I know, Boxer’s telling me that I don’t drop by at her desk anymore, telling me to try harder, etc., etc. And I’m pushing back, pulling leg. And slowly the talk turns to movies, and we end up making a tentative plan to go out.

Wow!

On the other hand, let’s compare the Mr. Nice Guy approach I’ve been using since, like, FOREVER! Legs, my first love. Couldn’t think of me as anything more than a friend, and stayed that way even after I told her of my feelings for her. Sweetie, well, I didn’t play games with her, even when I was trying to get back with her. Now we’re apart. Look what Mr. Nice Guy got me.

But the moment I do play some games, I – tentatively, God-willing, hearken to my words o Almighty One – score!!!

Then there’s the strange thing with my sweetheart. It seems that, whenever a guy tries to get with her (and she doesn’t really care much about him), she tells him that she likes me! And it so happens that I’ve messaged or called her at precisely the time when she’s talking to that guy. So she tells him all about me – without, mind you, saying that we’re seeing each other – and he promptly surrenders and turns away sadly.

Feels good to be top-of-mind recall. I recently asked her to be my backup plan, and she agreed. Love that girl.

In fact, she’s been asking me today about Legs. As in, is Legs seeing someone. The moment I said no, my sweetheart tells me that I should start seeing her.

Hmmm. Interesting thought. As if it hasn’t crossed my mind at least thrice every goddamn day!!!

There’s a colleague who’s a senior of mine from Jai Hind. Ada’s worked with Legs, and naturally, they got talking. Since then, Ada’s been trying to play Cupid. Insists that the two of us are made for each other.

I deny it to Ada, but actually, I agree. I’ve never felt that any woman could be more perfectly suited to me. We’ve always shared a great mental rapport, been close emotionally, and she’s beautiful too! We complement each other. She’s spontaneous, outgoing, outspoken. I’m reserved, practical and straightforward. An amazing jodi that’ll never come to life.

Actually, I’d rather not get together with either my sweetheart or Legs, or any other close girlfriend. Not unless the friendship suddenly blossoms into something more. I value them too much as friends to lose. I lost Sweetie completely when we broke up. I can’t lose these two.

Ok, back to Boxer.

I’ve been feeling really unsure of myself of late. Wondering if I was good for any woman. Then along comes Boxer and suddenly I’m feeling a whole lot more confident. A beautiful woman has more or less agreed to go for a movie with me. ME!!! Me of the jungle hair, the former geek (as Groper puts it), Mr. Nice Guy.

Amazing. There is a God.

It’s incredible. I bet she’d never have said yes if I’d stuck to her like glue. I’ve teased her, refused to let her intimidate me – and it’s worked. Only thing, I wish I knew why. The newsletter said that it’s because only really confident guys do this to women – and most guys aren’t confident. They play the glue.

Strange. Because I’m not feeling all that confident at this time. I don’t have much to be confident about.

Not so strangely enough, men are just the opposite. We like to be nice to a girl. We expect her to chase us. And we get put off when she plays hard-to-get. But, the only way to get women to chase us is to the anti-glue approach – which most of us aren’t quite willing to do.

Hmm…maybe that explains the number of single men these days.

Of course, none of these games will work on one’s close friends. They know me too well. So even if I did (out of some serious desperation) decide that I wanted to be with either Legs or my sweetheart – I couldn’t.

I’m not concerned about what happens with Boxer. Worst case, we’ll be the casual friends we are right now. Best case…hmmm…who can tell?

But for now I’m gonna stick with what works. Mr. Nice Guy, with some liberal doses of attitude. The Chandler-Ross combination finally meets Joey. And I’m gonna do it, no matter what.

If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.