2009: The Year In Review

Every newspaper does it. Heck, they advertise it, they earn big bucks from it. So I decided to try it myself.

Ladies, gentlemen and the undecided minority – FITM presents, 2009: The Year In Review.

As if the title didn’t tell you what this post is about.

I could ramble on, but then you’d probably go away and do more important things – like shaving your underarms or something – so here goes.

Spent most of January preparing for February. Said goodbye to my wife-to-be as she returned to the maaike for the last time as a kunwaari (hey, that rhymes with her name!). Caught up with friends, lived up the last days of my bachelor life. Had about seventeen million six hundred forty-one thousand eight hundred and fifty-six conversations with people about the wedding.

Got engaged in February. Got a nice watch as a gift. Got officially confirmed as an adult Hindu male. Begged for money. Got lots of folks drunk at one place. Danced like a maniac. Watched my pals put on a fantastic show. Got scandalised at my Navgrahi pooja. Put mehendi on my hand – just a drop, for shagun purposes only. Had a wedding-related panic attack – on the baraat horse. Got over it. Got hitched – also in February. Went on honeymoon. Realised I’d be waking up first for the rest of my life.

Played Holi after God-alone-knows how many years. Was rather good at it – was accused of being a terrorist by a drenched and spluttering mom-in-law.

Worked very hard. Got frustrated with my boss. Drowned my frustrations in Caol Ila. Got legal proof from the government that we’re married.

Work frustration went through the roof. Threatened to quit job. New opportunity was promptly pushed through by the Silent Assassin. Got a new phone to celebrate 3 months. Made Woodside Inn our home pub. Apologies to Mondy’s.

Enjoyed married life. Binge-watched Scrubs with the wife. Discovered How I Met Your Mother. Binge-watched that too.

Bought a 32” Vu LCD TV. And a DivX-compatible Philips DVD player. Entertainment unit set up, no need to move out of bedroom. Except for food and loo breaks.

Bought the wife a phone. An HTC Touch Diamond. First she loved it. Now she hates it.

Churned out the next big campaign. My last mainline campaign. Switched over to digital. Figured out that my name in binary is 40 characters long. For the curious, it’s 0111001101100001011011010110100101110100.

Discovered the Kindle. Jumped up and down when they launched the international version. Still jumping up and down, hoping someone will buy it for me.

Discovered Avatar: The Last Airbender. Got typhoid. Stayed home for 3 weeks. Binge-watched Avatar. Played PS2. Taught Slappy and the Nag poker. Whined when they beat me at it.

Mourned when MJ died. Played his music all day long. Wiki’d him, Tweeted about him. RIP, Billy Jean.

Started rocking digital. Made some friends. Made some enemies. Hobnobbed with senior management. Started feeling famous. If yet underpaid. And overworked.

Wrote a bit more of the book. Got more critics. Still awaiting their criticism. And the time to finish writing it.

Started re-running The West Wing for project research. Ended up re-running The West Wing for sheer entertainment.

Moved out of my parents’ home. Bought furniture. And vegetables. Even tomatoes.

That brings to a close the Review. We hope you enjoyed reading it. If you did, I have a reward for you here (girls, click here). If you didn’t enjoy it, then you may go here.

See you in 2010. Have a rocking New Year, folks.

Conversations It's Safe To Have With Me

As indicated in my previous blog post (and my sidebar), Slappy’s folks came to Bombay to meet mine.

And yes, the proverbial wedding bells will be ringing. Or would have been, had this been a church wedding. The proper metaphor would be, “Wedding fires will be burning.”

Oh, the date. That’s right. February 15, in Bombay. The fun begins with our engagement on February 7 in Delhi. Then a cocktail party on February 13, in Bombay. Then, after everybody’s had sufficient time to recover from the hangovers, the wedding and the reception.

So, naturally, everyone at home is talking about the wedding.

All I get to hear is venues, dates, clothes, jewellery, shoes, guest lists, budgets, rooms, invites, blah, blah, blah. And I’m already beginning to get a little sick of it.

So, for all the people who I will meet soon, here’s some better things to talk to me about.

o “You’ve lost weight, you’re looking great!” Always welcome. Possibly true also, as I’ve started gymming for the nth time.

o “I had a wet dream about you last night, and I want to make it come true NOW!!!”

o “Hey, there’s someone I know who’s looking for a freelance copywriter. He’s got lots of money…you interested?” You see, weddings are expensive affairs.

o “Did you see Ferrari win the last Grand Prix?” May such happy events continue for all eternity.

o “Isn’t Sachin Tendulkar the greatest cricketer to have ever walked the face of this Earth?” Yes, he is.

o “Wanna share this bottle of tequila?”

o “I’m doubling your salary.” In the unlikely event that my bosses are reading this. Or know this writer’s true identity.

o “How do I look in this lingerie? I can’t decide which is my thing, slutty, virginal, or just mysterious?”

o “I hate the rains. Don’t you?” My views on this topic are fairly well-known, but always good to hear again.

o “This is the most brilliant ad I’ve ever seen! Yours, na?” Thank you, thank you.

o “Superman can kick Batman’s ass any day of the week.”

Of course, this is only an indicative list, not an exhaustive one. Feel free to choose your own topics as well.

But if you decide to only talk about the wedding, I might just decide to never talk to you again.

Prenuptial Pangs

That time has finally come. Today, Slappy’s folks arrive in town, with the express purpose of meeting my folks to plan our wedding.

It’s scary.

The way we’ve planned it, there’s about 8 months to go for the big occasion. Therefore, there’s just 8 months left for me as a bachelor boy.

My super-boss, the Silent Assassin, pried out the news of this event from me yesterday. And will now be doing his best to convince me that I shouldn’t be wanting to get married just yet. He says that I’m in a good space right now, and I should be able to enjoy myself for a while longer before taking up the responsibilities of biwi and ghar.

And that conversation has been whirling around in my head ever since.

I’ve been asking myself if there’s anything I regretted not doing all this while I was single or while seeing Slappy. I think I have some answers.

The biggest regret is not getting over my breakup with Ficklechick much before I actually did. I wish I’d been stronger then. I regret that I didn’t focus on myself, instead of focusing on her and an increasingly impossible ‘us’. It would have given me the time to enjoy being single, and to get to know myself all over again. It would have given me the time to readjust to being the person I want to be, before I met Slappy, not after. And it would have helped Slappy and me avoid some of the pitfalls and problems we’ve had together.

I regret not working harder, both at office and as a freelancer. I would have done better, earned more and been far more comfortable than I am now. And I would have never had to compromise on things that I wanted.

I regret not travelling more, especially alone. The Kuala Lumpur trip (to watch the Grand Prix) was bittersweet, coming at the time it did. But it gave me a chance to meet a few new people, be myself and do what I wanted to do without any constraints. Unfortunately, I couldn’t afford to travel as much as I’d liked to have, but that’s the way the cookie crumbles.

I regret not loving myself more, not pampering myself more. I always saw (and somewhere still see) myself as the extremely responsible type, working hard and saving up to fulfil my responsibilities towards my family and my future family. I wish I’d been more irresponsible. I wish I’d fulfilled some of the responsibilities I owe myself.

I regret giving up badminton. And not being able to find a new, regular exercise programme.

I regret not being bolder than I am.

I regret not being able to live on my own. Not having my own room, my own space. Not being able to live the way I want to, independently, and completely free of constraints.

I regret drifting from old friends. People who’ve been with me for years and years. People I care for very much, who will always be there for me no matter how far away. Hopefully, this is the one big regret I have the time to correct.

I regret not having a college romance. I wish I’d had more time and more experience with women. I might have understood them better. Without having to watch Sex and the City.

It seems like a long list. But there’s one common thread running through them all – a desire to have known myself better, been more sure of who I am and what I want.

Seems like there is something to what my boss had to say yesterday.

But the thing is, when I asked Slappy to marry me, there was (is) one big factor that far outweighs everything else.

I want to.